This Floating Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Year.

Looking back, we consider the television landscape of the past year, a handful of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to bafflingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that had us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.

And Just Like That

How to start with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with woeful writing, cringe-inducing character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show fought to justify its existence. For a moment, as the third season began, it looked like it had at last found its groove. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the last season. It ended on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was just way too symbolic. Still, fans undeniably found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’

But that was almost the least of this show's issues. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to start listing the flaws. The laughably wooden writing? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and materialism? The almost deliberate procession of cliches? Acting so bad they felt almost malicious? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this show again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the legal troubles, domestic violence allegations and parental failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any pity this show might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charming but flippant egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we understood it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

MobLand

Dodgy characters convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.

Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a little dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to indulge unconvincing dialects. But there were plenty of other issues. Mainly that it was just really dull; a conflict over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which seemed a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the extent to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s almost easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into twee lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are forced to admit that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine come to life; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are obviously interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to explore them. Rather, the experience was like consuming a sales catalogue. She clearly has good reason to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey letdown of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next big hit – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a well-known personality overseeing her estate. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to explain what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up reeking of a production that was trying way too hard to live up to something far greater than it.

Too Much

How do you succeed a show that captured a generation? The pressure was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart inclusion of talented younger comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated with care. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lumbering from oddly breezy, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A total mess? Absolutely.

Prime Target

We admire the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This international thriller about government agencies targeting – and killing off – intellectuals honestly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This hagiography followed the content creator renowned for explicit escapades as she prepared for her biggest feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who showed up to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.